


Loki: Sword of Truth

by whichlights



Series: some kind of redemption [2]
Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Better Than Canon, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Brotherly Love, Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Lies, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Memory Loss, Past Character Death, Redemption, pls im begging you marvel give loki a movie i would sell out so fast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whichlights/pseuds/whichlights
Summary: To defeat Thanos and save Thor, Loki died. But since when has he ever stayed dead?





	Loki: Sword of Truth

**Author's Note:**

> the movie loki deserves but marvel wont give them
> 
> the bold and italicized text represents loki's narration, directly to the reader

**_Now, I know what you're thinking. Who cares about a story when you already know who died?_ **

**_See, that's the thing about my story. It didn't end with my death. Death was more of the... rising action, shall we say._ **

**_Another thing is that, in technicality, I didn't die. Well, I did. That's where it all gets tricky. How do you define death? My physical body stopped working, and was eventually destroyed (thanks, Thor) and my conscious wasn't so much as reborn into a new body as... remade into a new body? And I still look the same! Sort of. Did I die? Is ego-death really death?_ **

**_I don't know. I don't care. This is my clean slate, my second chance, and I'm not going to spend it dithering about the specifics of my maybe-death._ **

**_Who am I? I think you know me._ **

**_I'm Loki. And I'm a god._ **

Loki saw the punch flying towards him only a second before it hit him. 

He stumbled back, reaching for knives that weren’t there. He settled for hissing in pain, reaching up to touch his face. “I deserved that,” he spat. “But that doesn’t mean I like it.”

Three Midgardians, all some variation of tall, pale, and muscular, stood in front of him, laughing. The one that had punched him looked like he was warming up for a second go. 

**_Now I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t you just magic your way out of this situation, Loki? Well, to answer that, I have to start with how I got into this mess._ **

**_This guy, Thanos, my old boss, comes to Earth looking for infinity stones. He kills a lot of people to get to them. No one I cared about. Then he took my brother, because he knew I had the Tesseract._ **

**_I did what any good sister would do. I went to save my brother. I put a spell on the Tesseract, so it would explode, and send Thanos into a pocket dimension he would never escape. But destroying the Tesseract meant unleashing an unfathomable amount of energy- energy that would kill anyone it touched._ **

**_I couldn’t stop it, so I directed it. It hit me, only me, full on. And that’s how I died._ **

**_I came back, of course. But I’m a little hesitant to use powerful magic, seeing as last time I did it killed me, and imagine this: if I use too much magic, what’s to keep me from becoming as corrupt and lost as the version of me who died?_ **

**_I_ ** **died** **_for this. I am not throwing away my second chance just because a street gang is inconveniencing me._ **

A second punch landed on Loki’s jaw. He backed up against the wall, spreading out his arms. “Look, I don’t have any money.” He smiled crookedly. “So let me be on my way.”

“You said you knew Tony Stark,” the main puncher said.

“I asked for  _ directions  _ to his tower.”

“Why would you do that if you don’t know the man?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Look, even if I did know Stark, I don’t have any money. So you can let me go now, I’m all properly roughed up.”

“If you don’t have any money, where’d you get the weirdo helmet?”

Loki tapped the crown on his head. It was missing one of it’s signature horns, but Loki liked it. Gave it character. “Bought it. When I said I didn’t have money, I meant I didn’t have any  _ on  _ me. That includes cards.”

The gang members looked between each other. The main puncher, the leader probably, stepped forward and grabbed Loki by his coat. “Got a watch?”

“No.”

“Anything valuable? Watch, fancy clothes?”

“Nope.” Loki gestured to his current attire, which was made up of the burned scraps of what he died in.

“How ‘bout the weirdo helmet?”

“It’s worthless to you,” Loki said. “Not even real gold. I just want directions to Stark Tower, please. I think I deserve that, for my cooperation, hm?”

“...Alright, it’s down three blocks, then- you getting this?”

“Yes, of course,” Loki said cheerfully. 

“You’re gonna wanna hop on down to the subway, 57th Station, and take the N line down to Times Square, hop on the S line, get off at Grand Central, go northish, you can’t miss it. It’s got the guy’s name plastered on it in lights.” 

Loki brushed the dust off his pants. “Thank you,” he said, and walked away. 

_ Good to see the old silver tongue hasn’t failed me _ , Loki smirked to himself as he walked. Good thing he’d taken the man’s Metro Card. 

He followed the directions to a tee, and true to the man’s word, he really couldn’t miss Stark Tower. Loki stopped at the entrance of it, looking up. 

Home of the Avengers. Site of where he’d tried to take over Earth. Stark Tower really did have a lot of memories tied to it. 

Loki strode in. The receptionist didn’t look up. “Do you have an appointment?” He drawled, typing at his keyboard.

“I don’t think I need one,” Loki said. The receptionist looked up, and his jaw dropped. Loki still looked mostly the same- shorter hair, different crown, and a healthier complexion were his most dramatic changes. It wasn’t difficult to recognize him. 

“I-I’ll call them.” The receptionist pushed some buttons on the phone, paling rapidly. He never took his eyes off Loki as he said, “will you please tell the Avengers that-”

“Mr. Odinson,” Loki supplied.

“-Mr. Odinson is here to see them?”

The receptionist put the phone down. “They’ll see you now,” he said shakily.

Loki reached over to pat him on the shoulder as he walked towards the elevator. Loki leaned against the wall, and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes.

The elevator dinged open, and Loki opened his eyes to three guns, one arrow, one knife, and a blaster pointed at him, along with several pairs of raised fists. 

“Highly unnecessary,” Loki yawned. “Wow, how’d you know it was me?”

“You’re dead,” Captain America said, lowering his gun. 

“Obviously not,” Loki stretched, and strode out of the elevator to the main room. “How’d you know it was me?”

“We didn’t,” Captain America said, tossing his shield onto the couch. “We thought you were  _ dead _ . But Thor isn’t here, and he never introduces himself as ‘Mr. Odinson.’”

“Much less use the elevator. I’ve given up trying to replace the windows,” Iron Man huffed. 

“So just suspicion? Alright, I can deal with that.” Loki sat down on the couch next to Captain America’s shield, crossing his legs. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Hawkeye demanded. 

“Thor isn’t here. I’ll wait.”

“Come on, Clint,” Black Widow murmured to him. They went away, a huddle of whispers and mutters of worse times. 

“Thor told us you died,” the Falcon said, slowly lowering his gun. “I don’t think he would lie to us. Unlike you.”

Loki spread his arms. “He didn’t. I did.”

**_I’ll spare them the details of ego-death, and the questions of “If you’re still the same person, with the same thoughts and personality and powers, did you really die?” From now on, if anyone asks, I died, and I came back. That really is the simplest way to put it._ **

**_Besides, I’m_ ** **not** **_the same person. I’m going to be a_ ** **better** **_one, and failing that, at least a different one. But that’s based on choices, not who I am. Better choices, different choices, same Loki._ **

There was a sound of shattering glass. “Friends!” Thor strode into the room, grinning cheerfully. “I have returned-”

Thor froze, and looked at Loki. He walked forward, his expression growing more unreadable by the step. 

Loki stood up, and smiled at him softly. “Miss me?” He whispered.

Thor punched him in the face.

Loki crashed backwards on the couch, yowling out pain. “That  _ hurt _ ,” he said petulantly. 

“Why have you brought this liar here,” Thor demanded his team. “Why do you allow this fake to tarnish Loki’s memory?”

“Thor, it’s  _ me _ ,” Loki grunted out, still rubbing his face. “Oh, that’s going to leave a mark.”

“My brother is dead,” Thor said, and the words came out forced. “And I burned his body on a lake in Wakanda. So you must be an imposter, because Loki-”

“I was a girl when I died,” Loki finished for him. Thor froze mid sentence, staring at him. The rest of the Avengers were also staring at him. “You… you never told them,” Loki realized. “You never told them that. You refused to out me, even in death?”

Thor crossed his arms. “Who are you?”

“I’m Loki. Your brother, at the moment. I’m fluid. I change.”

“Loki is  _ dead _ .”

Loki huffed. “He’s not.  _ I’m  _ not. I’m right here, Thor, you have to believe me.”

“How can I trust a liar who wears my  _ dead brother’s  _ face!” Thor demanded. 

“I’m  _ not lying _ !” Loki yelled. “Thor, it’s  _ me _ !”

“I don’t believe you!” Thor stormed out of the room, to the elevator. 

Loki flopped onto the couch. “You tell one or two lies,” he huffed. 

The rest of the Avengers started to leave, not paying him any mind. Loki put his head in his hands. 

**_I’d never felt more alone. I was desperate to reconcile with Thor, and prove to him that I was real and here and this time wasn’t going to stab him, I was going to do things right this time. That’s when I remembered an old story, something that couldn’t possibly be true, but…_ **

“Wait!” Loki called, taking the stairs down five at a time. He got to the lobby the same time the elevator did, and he crashed into Thor, forcing him back into the elevator. Thor had more physical strength, but Loki had the element of surprise.

“The- the,” Loki gasped for air, feeling the stitch in his side. “The sword of truth,” he managed. “The keys. Gram. If I can get Gram, you can- you can prove I’m telling the truth. I can prove I’m really Loki.”

Thor looked at him coldly. “Gram is a story. A story, a lie.”

“That’s what I deal in, Thor. Fiction, lies, stories, call it what you want, they’re my specialty.”

“There are four keys. That’s all I know. You’ll have to find them on your own. Fail and die on your own merits, liar.” Thor pushed him aside and walked out of the elevator, but Loki wouldn’t stop smiling. He had an idea. He had a  _ chance _ . 

\---

Loki faked up some cash with a small spell, and used it to get new clothes that didn’t look like he’d died in them and a hotel room in Manhattan. He stretched, and started to peruse his memory and his stack of stolen books for anything related to Gram.

**_Gram, the sword of the first hero of Asgard, Sigurd. Bathed in dragon’s blood, Gram is the sword of truth, which makes it a very appealing option for proving I’m really Loki. Gram disappeared when Sigurd fled Asgard, but legend says Odin locked it in a box and hid it in one of the Nine Realms. So, I just have to find the box, and all the keys, and I’ll be golden._ **

“Well, this is going to be impossible,” Loki huffed, tossing his book at the wall. “I don’t need stories, I’ve got enough of my own. I need  _ leads _ .”

Something crashed into his window. Loki startled, and went out to see a raven perched on his window sill. Carefully, he waved to it. It hopped, ruffled its feathers, and flew off.

**_If there’s ever been a sign-_ **

“Wait for me!” Loki called, running outside and down the stairs to follow the bird.

**_-it’s a raven. We have a history._ **

Loki ran down the streets of New York, desperately trying to keep up with the bird. Midgardians either ignored him or gave him funny looks as he ran by, turning and backtracking and looking up to the sky for that bird. 

Eventually, the bird stopped in front of a restaurant. Loki leaned against the wall, taking large breaths. “I have  _ got  _ to get better at this ‘desperate sprinting’ thing,” he huffed. The raven just cocked its head at him.

Loki looked at the restaurant. It didn’t look like somewhere Odin would hide a key to a magic relic, but it was his only shot. “Thank you,” he whispered to the raven. It gave a sharp bob of its head, and flew off.

Loki cast a minor illusion on himself, just enough to make him look like the average patron of the restaurant, and walked inside. People were switching tables, walking around, talking-

Speed dating.

**_Watch carefully. This is one of those moments, the one that changes my life._ **

Loki smiled to himself and sat down at one of the tables. The girl across from him raised an eyebrow. “What, are we cosplaying now?” she asked tiredly.

Loki blinked at her. “I don’t know. Are we?”

She had pink hair, tattoo sleeves on both arms, and blocky glasses. She rolled her eyes at him. “You’re not the weirdest guy I’ve seen today. So, who are you?”

Loki decided to be honest. “I’m Loki, god of mischief, stories, lies, all sorts of things, and I’m on a mission to recover four magical keys so I can find the magical sword Gram and prove myself to my brother.” Most Midgardians would take it as an unbelievable lie-

The woman just stared at him. “You’re telling the truth.”

Shit.

“Who  _ are  _ you?” Loki asked.

“Verity Willis. No one has ever lied to me, because no one can.” She shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “So, you’re looking for some magic keys?”

“Don’t suppose you know where one of them is?” Loki tried.

“Nope.”

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Stupid ravens.”

“Why do you need this sword so bad? Just proving yourself to your brother?”

“I died,” Loki said simply. “That’s not the whole truth, but it’s the important part. I died, I’m back, and now he won’t believe I’m me.”

“Wow. That must suck,” Verity said sympathetically. “Is there any way I can help?”

Loki tilted his head at her. “Well, maybe, I don’t need the sword if I can convince Thor of  _ your  _ magic-”

“What? Magic?”

“You can see through any lie, I’m assuming?” Loki raised an eyebrow with a smile. “Including mine.” 

Verity nodded and said, “But I don’t really want to get on the Avenger’s radar. I’m living a perfectly normal civilian life, I write code, I never have to go save the world, it’s all very nice.” 

Loki didn’t have a magical truth sense but he got the idea she was lying. “Doesn’t it ever feel like it’s… missing something? That spice of life? The thrill?”

“Why do you think my mom signed me up for speed dating?” Verity tried to laugh. “I… imagine not being able to watch a movie, or read a fiction book, and to know exactly how terrible people are when you first meet them. It’s tiring. I hardly ever go outside, and I try to pretend what I have is enough but…”

“I understand,” Loki said. ”…What do you say to a wild and possibly deadly adventure to retrieve a sword that might not exist?” he offered.

Verity finished her drink and stood up. “I’d say sign me up. This place was full of creeps anyways.”

\---

There was a knock on Loki’s door the next day. She looked up from her book, confused, then scrambled to get up when she remembered who she’d invited over. She opened the door for Verity.

“You look different,” Verity said.

“I feel different. Like many things about me, my gender is fluid.”

“Neat. She/her?”

“Yep.” Loki gestured around at her hotel room. “Welcome,” she said grandly, “to my humble abode.”

Verity touched the wall. “Smells funny.”

“Shut up, I’m on a budget. Can’t counterfeit  _ too _ much money.” Loki ran a hand through her hair. “I need help finding leads. A raven showed up to guide me to you, so I’m kind of banking on you have ideas.”

“I barely even know what we’re looking for. Gram? Isn’t that a kind of cracker?”

“Graham crackers. Tasty, but not what I want. Gram is the sword of truth. It can reveal any truth. It’s you, but a sword. It’s locked in a box in a location no one knows, and the box is locked with keys imbued with the power of Odin.”

“Ask Odin, then,” Verity said, like it was easy.

Loki frowned. “He’s dead,” she said stiffly.

“Oh. Do you remember anything else about the legend?”

Loki rubbed her head. “I’ve been having memory gaps,” she mumbled. “I’m having trouble remembering things about my old life.”

“Alright, so you can’t remember much. And I, who barely knows how my own magic works, am your only lead slash help?”

“Pretty much.” Loki tossed a piece of paper at the window. “What I need is more information.”

Click.

“That’s it!” She said proudly. 

“What? You remembered something?”

“No! But you know who has records on, like, every event that has ever happened?”

“Oh no.”

“The government. Specifically S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Loki, no no no no. I’ve known you for a  _ day _ . You can’t ask me to commit  _ treason! _ ”

“And I won’t ask you to,” she said easily. “I will. Just… don’t sell me out to the feds, and… tell my brother where I went if I don’t make it back.”

Verity stared at her in abject horror. “You’re really going to do this.”

“Hack S.H.I.E.L.D. for information? Why, of course. Verity… I  _ need  _ answers. I need this sword.”

Verity took a deep breath. “You’re not lying. Or, at least, you think you’re telling the truth. So I’ll help you. What can I do to help?”

Loki grinned. “Well…”

\---

Loki couldn’t exactly stride up to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and ask to rummage around in their secret database. For all her charm, she couldn’t convince them to let her in, and she couldn’t find an entrance that wasn’t the front door.

So she walked through the front door. 

She strode past the agents attending the lobby area, and started heading down the stairs, hands in her coat pocket. 

**_Invisibility cloak, made of shadow thread. I have stashes of magical items hidden all over the Nine Realms- what’s left of my Asgard stash is still in the Ark, so my cloak wasn’t too hard to grab._ **

Loki hopped down the stairs two at a time, and reached a door, locked with a keypad. She rolled her eyes. “Machines. Even easier to fool than people.” She waved her hand in front of the keypad. It flashed green, and the door opened. 

Loki smiled as she entered the room. Now this was a room she belonged- a room of secrets. An old file system leaned in the corner, along with an old computer system, and a new computer system, glowing high tech. She headed to the new computer, and started typing. 

“Gram,” she muttered as she typed. 

NO RESULTS.

She frowned. “Sword of truth,” she tried.

NO RESULTS.

“Key to Gram,” she insisted.

NO RESULTS.

She stepped back, crossing her arms. Then she tried another thing. “Loki,” she muttered.

She was filed under “Allies”, which surprised her. It was a little jarring to be referred to as male, but it made sense, seeing as Thor hadn’t told anyone exactly how she’d died. The file only told her things she already knew, obviously. 

“Key,” she tried, bored, wanting to try the nickname Thor had given her, all those years ago. 

RESULTS.

She blinked, standing up straighter. She clicked on the first result, shifting as he scrolled down.  

“Oh, that’s interesting,” he mumbled.

There was a click behind him. “Step away from the computer,” a man demanded.

Loki held his hands up in the air and smiled slightly. “Hello,” he said. 

It was always so much fun to have a gun pointed at him.

“What in the hell are you doing in my database?” The man demanded. Oh, Director Fury. Of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Fun.

“Using it,” Loki said innocently. His gaze flicked towards the door. “Now, excuse me, I have to go.”

Fury lost precious time trying to stop Loki from reaching the door when Loki was really just trying to get to the file cabinet in the corner. On top of it all was a wooden box, fixed with a seal. The seal of Odin’s house.

Loki broke open the box, snatching out the key. It flared briefly with red power, and Loki understood the purpose of it. Secrets. This was a key of secrets. No wonder S.H.I.E.L.D. had it. 

Loki threw the now empty box at Fury’s head and pocketed the key. “Bye!” He said cheerfully, and darted past Fury to the outside.

Behind him, he could hear Fury calling for reinforcements, but he kept running. He had done a lot of running recently. 

He ran up to the ground floor, and was met by at  _ least  _ thirteen guns. “Come on,” he panted. “This is all just a misunderstanding.”

Loki snapped his fingers, and the S.H.I.E.L.D. base’s electricity failed. He sprinted past the agents to the door, and willed his cloak to turn him invisible again.

He met up with Verity in the back of the building. “Good timing,” he said. 

“Your instructions were, and I quote, ‘wait until it looks like someone is in trouble, because that’s probably your cue.’” Verity crossed her arms. “Did you get what you came from?”

Loki held up the key. “It’s real,” he said. “Gram. The box. It’s all real. And I’m going to find it.”

Verity grinned at him. “Yah, you are.”

\---

Loki sat in his hotel room, looking at the key in the light coming through his window.

**_Secrets. A key of secrets. I can never stop thinking about myself, about who I was before ego-death._ **

**_I did horrible things to be Loki. Lying, betrayal, more lying, attempted genocide, murder, genocide again, actually thought it was a good idea to say 'it is the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjection', betrayed my brother like ten times between all that, more lying, stealing priceless artifacts- Odin's beard, why in HEL did I think I deserved a clean slate._ **

Loki stood up and closed the blinds to the window. He stuffed the key in his pocket and laid down on top of the covers of his bed, staring at the ceiling.

**_I did horrible things. I’m not going to make those mistakes again, but it’s not right to pretend I don’t have the potential to do that. I can’t just die, come back, and magically be a good person. I have to put in the effort to be a good person._ **

**_And I’ve already talked my newest and best friend into treason. What a great start to my new life._ **

\---

“One key down, three to go. What now?” Loki paced back and forth. “Also, this is your apartment? You live here?”

“Yes?” Verity crossed her arms. “Is there a problem?”

“It’s so  _ clean _ .”

“Bitch.”

Loki stuck his tongue out at her. “Look, answers aren’t just going to fall out of the sky. We have to search for them-”

Verity rolled her eyes and turned on the TV. “Do you mind some background noise? I like the news channels, they at least try to be truthful most of the time.”

“A spaceship has crashed in lower Manhattan!” The newscaster was saying. “Is it Thanos again? He hasn’t been seen in months-”

“I  _ died  _ to defeat that purple asshole!” Loki yelled at the screen. “Stop undercrediting my work!”

“Loki, spaceship crash,” Verity said, like she was trying to keep him on track.

Loki was already grabbing his coat. “Like I said. Sometimes, answers just fall out of the sky!”

They caught a subway to downtown, and found the spaceship pretty easily- it was the thing with a crowd gathering around it. Loki pushed through the crowd, Verity hot on his heels. The crowd more or less parted for him, looking anxiously at the golden horns on his head.

A man dressed to the nines was analyzing the spaceship crash. “Topaz?” He called, swinging around his giant sparkly cape. “Do you think we can fix this?”

“I’m sure of it, sir, but it’ll take time.”

The man sighed brilliantly and turned around. His gaze locked on Loki, and his eyes lit up. “You! Oh, wow, you are the  _ last  _ person I expected to ever see again!”

“I-” Loki started, but the man was already taking his hand and giving it a chaste kiss. 

**_This man knows me. And, alright, he seems like my type. Powerful, rich, shiny, not hard on the eyes if I’m being honest. There’s only one problem._ **

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Loki asked him. His smile just got bigger. 

**_I have no idea who he is._ **

“Oh, you, you were always playing your games.” He swung his cape around majestically. To the gathered Midgardians, he said, “I am the Grandmaster! Ex-ruler of Sakaar, and current inhabitant of Earth. Behold, my stuff!”

He gestured to the broken down ship. The Midgardians were just staring. 

Loki cleared his throat. “Grandmaster…” he started. “Why don’t we go somewhere… else? Before unwanted attention arrives.”

“You probably know this realm better than I do, anyways,” the Grandmaster said cheerfully. “Come on, Topaz!”

“We’re going to my hotel,” Loki mumbled to Verity. She nodded blankly, staring at the Grandmaster in a mix of awe and fear. 

“By the way,” the Grandmaster said, casually slinging an arm around Loki’s shoulders, “I  _ love  _ the new hair.”

\---

“So, what are you doing here?” Loki asked, leaning against a wall. 

The Grandmaster was playing with the coffee maker the hotel room had come with. “Well, ah, there was a little, rebellion, back on Sakaar.”

“You were dethroned,” Loki smirked.

The Grandmaster waved a finger at him. “No, no. I  _ chose _ to abdicate my position on Sakaar.”

In the background, Verity cleared her throat.

Loki rolled his eyes. “Alright, then. Of course.”

“Now, I managed to collect a few of my valuables,” the Grandmaster kept talking. He really enjoyed the sound of his own voice. “A lovely little, uh, ball? A sparkly thing, a weird key, some kind of family heirloom-”

“A key?” Loki asked, leaning forward. 

“Yah. Looks a little like, uh, do you have any paper?”

Loki waved a hand, heedless of risk, and a pencil and paper popped into existence next to the Grandmaster. The Grandmaster sketched the key, and Loki’s eyes widened. It looked like the one he’d taken from S.H.I.E.L.D..

“Why? Do you want it? I don’t really know what it even opens, so I could be willing to part with it for a price-”

“I can fix your ship,” Loki said immediately, looking him in the eye. The Grandmaster looked surprised. “That’s- really?”

“Yes,” Loki said. “Let’s go. Right now.”

Loki grabbed the Grandmaster’s arm and dragged him back to the wreckage of his ship. 

\---

“You… were not joking,” the Grandmaster laughed. “You really are someone of many talents, Loki.”

“Mhm,” Loki said, tilting his head at the engine, and waving a hand. It knit itself back together. “Not that hard. I understand how things work.”

“And here I was thinking you just wanted to get me alone,” the Grandmaster laughed again.

Loki looked up at him. “Who says that wasn’t also a motive?” He grinned. 

The Grandmaster sat down next to him. He snapped his fingers, and a key fell into Loki’s hand. He gaped at it, then looked back at the Grandmaster. “Really?”

“Well, I can handle the artistic aspect,” the Grandmaster smiled softly. “Thank you for doing the technical part for me. I could have fixed it, maybe, but I think I trust your knowledge more than mine, especially in how things work.”

Loki blinked. “I… thank you,” he said weakly, clinging tightly to the key. It’s power was obvious- a new beginning, a new start, the introduction. 

It was obvious what the Grandmaster was expecting. There was no pressure in the expectation, just a simple ‘this has happened before’ and… Loki didn’t remember it. But he wasn’t surprised. 

The Grandmaster took Loki’s hand, the one that wasn’t holding onto the key, and pulled him to his feet. He grinned, and leaned in to kiss him. 

Loki froze like a deer in the headlights. He stepped back, freeing himself from the Grandmaster’s hold. “No,” he said, not looking him in the eyes. 

“Okay, yah, okay, sorry.”

“No,” Loki whispered. “ _ I’m  _ sorry.”

The Grandmaster looked at him quizically. “You have nothing to be sorry about. It’s all okay.” He reached forward to take Loki’s hand. 

Loki pulled his hand away. “I can’t be who you remember.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry,” Loki whispered. “You helped me and I… I don’t know who you are. I’m sorry.” 

Loki stepped away from the Grandmaster. “I don’t remember. I’m sorry.”

Loki stuffed his hands in his pockets, feeling the key, the power of a new beginning. He left the Grandmaster’s ship, and he didn’t go home, he simply wandered the city, trying to remember who this man had been to him.

\---

Loki and Verity watched the Grandmaster’s ship fly away the very next day. Not in person, of course, but from the safety and comfort of Verity’s couch. 

"Why didn't I know his name?" Loki asked.   
  
Verity shrugged. "I don't know. Should it matter?"   
  
"He knew me," Loki insisted. "I should have known his name, at  _ least _ . Ever since I came out of ego-death, my memory has been fuzzy. At first I didn't worry, because it was things I didn't really care about. But it hasn't been getting better, it's been getting worse.” Loki gulped. “Verity... I can't remember my mother's face."

“Oh, damn,” Verity said. “That’s… how do we stop it?”

“I don’t know,” Loki said weakly. 

“We’ll figure it out,” Verity promised, grabbing his hand. She looked him in the eye. “You’re not going to forget anything.”

**_Sometimes Verity is as good at telling lies as she is at seeing through them._ **

\---

Loki walked down the street in the dead of night, occasionally sniffing the air.

**_I’m following the smell of lingering magic._ **

**_Magic doesn’t have a smell, really. Sometimes. Mostly, magic just had a feel. It wasn’t something that could be defined. Like smelling hydrogen- it tends to be different for everyone because you didn’t have a reference, so your brain just made it up. Same with magic. Some feel it as a chill on their spine, or see a wisp of colored smoke._ **

**_To me, magic smells like something burning. I’ve never been able to figure out if I like the smell._ **

The magic lead him to a small park. A woman with red hair was sitting on a bench, and she looked at him expectantly.

“Lorelei,” Loki said warmly. He remembered  _ her _ .

**_Lorelei, my ex-partner in crime… and other things. Not that I remember much of it. I know she has a sister, but I can’t remember her name. Something about s’mores?_ **

She stood up, reaching out to shake his hand with one hand still on her hip. “Rumor has it you’re collecting the keys,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s true.”

“Then we can help each other.”

Loki looked at her with new eyes. “Oh?”

“I need help with a con, and who better to ask than the most famous grifter on Asgard?”

Loki smirked. “Haven’t you heard the news? I’ve changed.”

“Oh, please, this man is obscenely rich, and if it goes well, you can get your key. He’ll be in Monte Carlo in a week, which is when I’ll be bleeding the safe dry. A bunch of rich assholes losing their money through our trickery? That doesn’t appeal to you at  _ all _ ?”

She had a point. It was exactly Loki’s thing. Loki tapped his foot. “And I can get a key?”

“Sure, if you play your cards right.”

“Alright, I’m in. What’s your game?”

\---

Bright lights. Music. Wine and champagne. Girls in shiny dresses and men in pressed suits, and vice versa. Laughter and groans and whispered threats over a game table. 

Now  _ this  _ was the way to gamble. 

Loki fiddled with his tie and flashed the man at the other end of the table a grin. “Well?”

“Call,” he grit out between his teeth.

**_The game turned out to be Texas hold’em._ **

“Are you sure?” Loki looked at the very considerable pile of loot he’d gathered. “I’ve already beat you out of several ten thousand euros, Adele tickets, and… some kind of movie about emojis? What more do you have to offer?”

“This,” the man said smugly, digging in his suit jacket pocket. He pulled out a key, shining bronze and identical to the other two Loki had. He could smell the magic from the other end of the table. 

Loki simply raised his eyebrows. “Your… house?”

“A family relic,” the man insisted. “A magic key.”

“Alright then. Another round. All or nothing.”

The cards shuffled.

The man grinned.

Loki smirked.

Queens vs Aces.

Loki held out his hand, grinning. “I’ll take that key, along with everything else you gambled away.”

“You’ve drawn aces every time,” the man accused, standing up, face red. “You’re a cheater and a liar.”

“I drew my hand fair and square. Here, I’ll prove it to you- and do it a few more hundred times.” Loki snapped his fingers and aces began to shoot out of his sleeves, directly at the man.

The man yowled in pain and rage, holding his now papercut-covered face. Loki leaped onto the table and snatched the key right out his hand. “Sir, thank you for your game,” he said, “but I fold.”

“CHEAT!” The man yelled as Loki jumped down, darting in between the confused patrons of the casino. He grabbed a flute of champagne and tossed it back at the man, who was chasing him. The man spluttered, the drink stinging the cuts on his face, and Loki slipped away. 

Loki ran down to the basement. The vault door was open, and the guards were slumped against the wall, goofy smiles on their faces.

“Lorelei!” Loki called, walking into the vault. Stacks of euros were lined against the walls, and obviously someone had been there. “Time to go!”

Lorelei gave him a catlike grin, looking up from the pile of money she was stuffing into her bag. “Oh, you caused a scene, didn’t you?”

“I could never do it any other way,” Loki admitted. “You used your love magic on those guards, didn’t you?”

“Let them dream dreamy thoughts for an hour or so. I’ll be long gone by then.” Lorelei showed him her bag of euros. “Want a split? I’ll go 90-10.”

“I’m fine with my key,” Loki said.

“You really are trying to change.”

Loki shrugged. Above, security was raging. “We should go.”

Lorelei finished stuffing wads of cash into her bag. “Alright,” she sighed. She tossed a ball onto the floor, and a portal opened up, right into Central Park. She wrapped an arm around Loki’s waist and they walked through.

“Just like old times,” Lorelei laughed. 

“Why?” Loki asked, stepping away from her. “Why me?”

“Because I wanted to see if it was true. What everyone is saying.”

“What are they saying?”

“You’re a crazy faker, because Loki is dead. You’re Loki, you’re too clever to die. You’re really trying to be better, or at least different.”

“What do you think?” Loki asked, ignoring her unasked question-  _ what of that is true? _

“I think you’re Loki, because you changed. If you were a faker, you’d act exactly like you used to be.”

Loki nodded. “Thank you for the tip, but I should get going.”

“Call me when you get bored and need a good scam to brighten your day.” Lorelei waved goodbye and walked in the opposite direction of Loki.

\---

“Verity,” Loki said. “I need to ask you something.”

Verity didn’t look up from where she was making eggs. “Yah?”

“What’s my last name?”

“Oh, God.” Verity dropped her spatula. She looked at him, horrified. “You can’t remember?”

“It’s fuzzy. Something with an O, or an L, maybe.”

“It’s Odinson,” Verity said firmly. “You’ve always introduced yourself as Loki Odinson, at least to me.”

“Okay.” Loki uncrossed his legs and stood up from where he was leaning against the wall. 

“Loki, this is  _ bad _ . Oh, God, if you can’t remember your  _ name _ -”

“Verity, I’m a thousand years old. I forget more than you’ll ever experience.”

“This much forgetting isn’t natural,” Verity insisted. “Loki, aren’t you scared?”

“I’m a  _ god _ ,” Loki huffed. “It’ll be fine.”

Verity opened her mouth to argue, and Loki snapped, “I  _ think _ it’s true, I know!”

“How are you going to fix it?” Verity asked instead.

“Gram.”

“It’s the sword of truth, not the sword of remembering your  _ name _ .”

“It will show me the truth, even the truths I hide from myself. That includes lost memories.”

“You… you think it should be true. But I don’t have proof.  _ You  _ don’t have proof. You’re theorizing.”

“It  _ should _ work,” Loki insisted. “It’s my only shot.”

Verity said quietly, “that’s the truth.”

\---

Loki found the next key buried in the ground. There were other metal objects around it, dirty and rusted, but the key was perfect. 

Loki picked it up, holding it up to the sky. The key of journeys. 

Loki stood up, trying to brush the dirt off his pants. He failed spectacularly, but he didn’t care. 

**_From what I remember, Odin could see all, and he knew all. It’s because he gave up an eye, to be able to see through the World’s Tree. So maybe that’s why all the keys were on Midgard. He knew I would need them._ **

**_Thanks, then, Dad. I appreciate it._ **

\---

Loki paced back and forth in Verity’s apartment. “Where would that box be,” he muttered, tapping his foot. 

“I don’t know.” Verity bit her lip. “Maybe one of the other Asgardians-”

“Already asked. Nothing in any of the legends state  _ where  _ Odin hid Gram.” Loki rubbed his head. “Odin. Odin. He had… some kind of… bird. He had-”

“Raven,” Verity said.

“How did you know?  _ I  _ barely remember that.”

“No, there’s a-” She pointed at the window sill. 

Loki turned, and his eyes widened. The raven cawed, and flew off. He grabbed his coat off the couch and started towards the door. 

“Where are you going?” Verity asked, standing up.

“I have to follow that bird,” Loki insisted. 

“Why?”

“Ravens are birds of omen. Important things have happened to me when I followed them. Last time I followed one, it lead me to you,” Loki grinned. 

“What happened the time before that?” Verity whispered.

Loki paused briefly. “I died,” he said. “But this bird- I have to follow it, Verity. It’s my only chance, my only chance of a chance. I need this sword.”

“You’re not lying,” Verity said.

Loki ran out the door. 

He found the raven waiting for him outside Verity’s apartment building, sitting on a trash can. It cawed at him, and it sounded like, “ _ come _ ” and then it flew away.

Loki followed it desperately, streaking through traffic, crowds of people, and physical obstacles. He ignored everything except the bird, as it took him out of the city. He couldn’t stop running. 

**_Yah, I know. I’ve been going crazy over this sword. And now I’m going crazy over this bird. Honestly? I think if I don’t get Gram,_ ** **right now** **_, I’ll never get Thor to believe it’s me, and my memories will fade until I don’t even remember what letter my name starts with. I don’t want that to happen. So I’ll follow the bird. I’ll follow this bird for however long I have to._ **

**_Even if I have to die again._ **

\---

Loki stumbled over a rock, and looked up at where the raven had perched on a bush beside him. 

“You done yet?” He gasped. 

The raven looked at him, and said, “Go.”

Loki looked up. He was at the foot of a mountain, and he could see a cave, maybe three quarters of the way up.

“That’s really steep,” he said. “Just so you know.”

“Go.”

“And I don’t really want to teleport up there, because teleporting is serious magic. Can magic turn me evil?”

“Go.”

“I’m asking you a serious question,” Loki insisted. “Can I turn evil if I use too much magic?”

As a rule, ravens didn’t make very many facial expressions, but Loki could have swore this one rolled its eyes. The raven simply said one last, “go,” before flying off. 

Loki stood up. “Alright. Here we go.”

He started climbing the mountain. 

**_This is where I realize why these keys. Why these magics. A journey- that much should be obvious. The endurance to bear it. The revealing of an old secret. All for a brand new beginning._ **

**_Because it’s a long climb._ **

\---

Loki dragged himself up the side of the mountain. The snow blew in his face, but he ignored it. The four keys jangled in his pocket.  _ Just a little further _ , he thought desperately. 

**_Tell me._ **

Loki hauled himself onto the ledge, and his prize stood on a stone platform. Victorious, he strode forward. “The sword of truth,” Loki panted. “The sword of the first hero.”

Loki pulled out his keys and put them in. Loki frowned. The box was not opening. “But I got all the keys,” he insisted to the empty air.

He looked down at the box, analyzing it, and his stomach sank.

"Thor... lied to me?" Loki touched the unopen box. "There's a fifth key." He touched the rune above the empty keyhole. The inscription chilled him to the bone. "Brotherhood," Loki said dully.   
  
"All this way," Loki laughed, ice stinging in his eyes. "And Thor lied to me about the keys. My only chance to have my brother again- and it  _ requires my brother _ ."

**_Is this what betrayal feels like?_ **

“What now?” Loki laughed to the open air. He laughed because he didn’t want to cry. “What, what, what-”

He was shaking. “This was my  _ only chance _ ,” he wailed. “My only chance to get my brother back before I  _ forget his name _ .”

“I did  _ everything right _ ,” he screamed, letting the tears fall now. “I did it all right! I changed! I’m  _ different _ than I was. What do I do now? Kill myself  _ again _ ?”

Loki kicked the platform the box was sitting on. “Damn you! Damn it all to Hel!”

His hands started shooting off green swirls and sparks. Loki fell to his knees, head in his hands as he was wreathed in green magic, magic he’d used very sparingly. Now it was all pouring out in response to his emotions.

Loki sobbed out, “what now?” and his magic arched up, filling the cave. All he could do was scream out his pain, his  _ betrayal _ .

There was a crack, like a muffled explosion, and the roof to the cave was blasted away.

Rubble started falling down on Loki. She was still on her knees, head in her hands, breathing heavily. She looked up, eyes wide. The cave was now open to the sky, and-

The top of the mountain was missing. 

Loki looked at her own hands. They were shaking. The green glow was gone.

She stood up, and walked out the cave, eyes blank, expressionless.

\---

“I’m going to see Thor,” Loki snapped to the receptionist, not slowing down. He nodded quickly, and she punched the elevator buttons. 

“Thor,” she demanded the second she entered to the main floor. The Avengers hurried to get out of her way. 

“He’s not here-” One of them said started. Loki looked at him. The name was there, but she couldn’t remember it. The starry one.

“Then  _ get him _ ,” she growled, throwing a ball of green energy at the couch. It burst into fire. The Avengers scrambled even further back, one of them running to the phone. 

The Avengers had left her alone in the room by the time Thor got there. “You lied to me,” Loki accused immediately after he walked in. “ _ Why _ ?”

“You may wear her face, but I  _ saw my sister die _ .” Thor crossed his arms. 

“Yah! Like, that was the third time! What makes this time different! Why is it so hard to believe it’s me! Enough to  _ lie to me _ .”

“Because!”

“Because  _ what _ !” Loki screamed at him. She was starting to tear up.

“Because no one could have survived the Tesseract’s explosion. Including Loki.”

“Thor, I  _ didn’t  _ survive! I  _ died _ ! Now I’m  _ back _ , and it’s  _ me _ , and-” She cut herself off with a sob. “Thor…“

“How do I believe you? How?” For the first time, Thor looked just as hurt as Loki felt. 

“I  _ died _ for you!” Loki screamed. “What more do you  _ want  _ from me?”

“I don’t know! I  _ want  _ to believe, but it seems too good to be true! And you keep saying you’re going to change, be better… it’s too much. Too much to be true.”

“But it is true. Thor, my memory is fading. Everything is fuzzy. Please, help me. I don’t want to forget.”

Loki didn’t have anything else to say. She stood before Thor, tears running down her face, waiting for judgement.

Thor reached into his pocket, and dropped a key into her hands. “If you’re really not my sister, I’m going to kill you with the very sword you seek. But if you really are Loki… I’m sorry. I love you, and today… I think I’ll trust you.”

“Thank you,” Loki whispered. She clutched the key to her chest. “Thank you.”

\---

“Hello!” Loki called out, knocking on the door. “I need you, and I think we’re friends?”

Verity opened her door, eyes wide. “What’s wrong?”

Loki held up the key Thor had given him. “I want you to see this,” he said. “And I need a stabilizer for a portal. Someone who’s memory hasn’t gone to Hel.”

Verity grabbed his hand. “Whatever you need.”

Loki closed his eyes and started to murmur words he hadn’t forgotten yet. The world started to spin, and he clung desperately to Verity, and her truth.

He opened his eyes back on the mountain, still open to the sky. He looked at Verity. She was beaming. “That was amazing! Real magic.”

“Yep,” Loki said with a sideways grin. “Decided that after I blew up half a mountain without going evil, I could handle something as simple as a portal.”

Loki went up to the box. The key in his hand was heavy. He slid it into the last lock. 

“It fits!” Loki cheered, picking up Verity and twirling her around. “We did it!”

Verity laughed, and he set her down, grinning wildly. Their faces were incredibly close together, and Verity’s was red from the cold. She smiled softly at him. 

**_WHAT? No, no, that- that didn’t happen! Nope. No, that, that did_ ** **not** **_happen. Just- oh, wow, go on with the story!_ **

“The, uh, the box!” Loki said, jumping away awkwardly. He gave a short laugh. “Box. Gram. You know. That. Ha.”

Verity nodded, blushing. 

Loki turned and opened the box. Inside, nestled in red velvet, was a shining golden blade. He picked it up, letting the glow reflect on his face. “Gram,” he said, victorious. “Hail, the sword of truth.”

He turned the blade on himself, and stabbed himself in the heart. 

**_The thing about Gram is that most of the time, the truth only hurts. Sometimes, Gram kills you. Sometimes, it saves your life._ **

Loki fell to the ground with a gasp. 

**_My truth is this:_ **

**_I’m scared._ **

**_I’m scared that this won’t work. I’m scared of forgetting. I’m scared of not remembering. I’m scared of losing my brother. I’m scared of losing myself._ **

**_I’m scared I’ll never really change. I’m scared I’m doomed to be a villain forever. I’m scared of staying the same. I’m scared of being that person again._ **

**_I’m so scared._ **

**_I can’t play it off anymore. I can’t disguise it as anger, or annoyance, or indifference, or any other thing. The truth, plain and simple, is that I’m just a scared child._ **

**_I’m scared I’ll never be more than a scared child._ **

**_But I’m working on that. I refuse to stay stagnant, stuck in my old patterns. I can change. I_ ** **will** **_change._ **

Loki pulled the bloodless sword out of his chest. 

“Are you okay?” Verity asked, concerned. She looked scared, too. 

Loki stood up and grinned at her. “Yah. I’m fine. I remember now.”

\---

“Thor!” Loki called, striding up to the Avenger’s living room. Iron Man and Spiderman were sitting on the couch, looking over a drone of some kind.

“You’re scaring my receptionist with your constant visits,” Iron Man said to him, not looking up from his project.

“Oh, he’s fine.” Loki waved it off. “Jacob and I get along great.”

“Is that a  _ sword _ ,” Spiderman asked, eyes wide, staring at the sheath on Loki’s hip. 

“Yah, it is.” Loki gave him a toothy grin. “Thor here?”

“I’m here,” Thor said, walking in with a pot of coffee. 

Loki unsheathed his sword. “Behold!” He said. “Gram! The sword of truth! The sword of the first hero of Asgard!”

Loki grabbed the blade with one hand, cutting into it. Blood dripped down the blade. “I am Loki,” he said. “I’m the god of stories. I died. I came back. You are my brother, and I love you. In this, I cannot lie.”

Thor gaped at him, and started to tear up. 

Loki looked him right in the eye. “You’ve been a dick.”

Thor hiccuped. “Yah. I guess I have.”

Loki grinned and put his sword up. He healed his hand with a quick spell. “It’s okay. I forgive you for yelling at me, thinking I was a liar, lying to me-”

“And I forgive you for all those times you tried to kill me.” Thor raised an eyebrow.

Loki shrugged. “Touché.”

Thor held out his arms. “Can I- can I hug you?”

Loki hugged his brother.

\---

Loki was alone in his hotel room, staring at his sword, holding it up to the light. 

**_There you have it. A clean, happy resolution, all wrapped up in a nice little bow for you. My idiot of a brother finally believes me, my memory is secure and intact, I made my first friend, and I got a shiny new magic relic out of the whole deal. In all, not the worst time of my life._ **

**_I’m Loki, and I’m a god. I’m the god of stories. The fluidity of them, the power in them. Other things too, but I claimed stories for myself. It’s part of who I am now, who I made myself._ **

**_This is what victory feels like._ **

Loki turned, and grinned. “What, you thought that was the end?”

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is witchlightsands, my marvel sideblog is genderfluid-loki, and it took a LOT of self control to not title this fic "give loki a movie COWARDS"


End file.
